This is the true story of a boy who will, for the purpose of privacy, be known as “Jed.”

A Typical Child
Jed was a typical child in most respects. He was raised in a typical American town in an average home. Jed had two parents and a pair of brothers and sisters. The simple description of his home and family life gave every indication that he would turn out about the same as any other ordinary kid…but the peculiar thing was that he did not.

One Notable Difference
While the circumstances of Jed’s childhood environment and his own personal idiosyncrasies played a large part in Jed’s development, one lacking factor in Jed’s life that was worthy of consideration was the attention of his father. As a small boy, Jed yearned for the opportunity to interact with his father in play and activities of any kind, but for reasons that he could not understand, his father refused to interact with him for any kind of leisurely fun.

Just Like Him
As a small boy, Jed looked up to his father and wanted to be just like him. Jed’s father was strict and stern. He could be quite forceful at times, enough so that his children were fearful of his voice and ever worried that they would meet with his disapproval in any way. Jed’s mother on the other hand treated the children with love and attentiveness. Jed had an idea of what he thought his father should do (which was to play with his son as his friends' fathers did) and he was convinced as a small boy that if he asked frequently enough, his father would play with him.

Longing For Attention
In every activity that Jed could think to involve himself in as a small child, he tried to get his father to participate. His father made a habit of saying "no" regardless of what the activity was, which only strengthened Jed’s resolve to get his father to play with him. Jed continued trying the same pattern of asking without success, but always reasoned that his father was too busy, and that if he caught him at a moment when he was not doing anything, he could get a yes from his father.

The Right Moment
One day Jed found his father lying on the couch, doing nothing at all. He was eight years old at the time and playing little league baseball. Jed thought it was the perfect moment to ask his father to throw the ball with him. He ran for his ball and glove, returning to the family room to ask his father. The answer again was no. Jed was shattered in disappointment and confusion over why his father would never play with him, even when he had nothing else to do.

Losing Faith
Jed’s relationships at school began to suffer. He began to find it difficult to form attachment with others or to play as normal kids do. He had not entirely given up hope that his father would play with him one day, but serious doubts set in about his suitability as a person and as a son.

Denied of Hope
On a Saturday morning Jed’s father showed him around the yard to perform a variety of chores that he had not done before. Jed listened carefully to the instructions of his father, wanting to perform each task perfectly in the hope that it would earn him the respect of his father enough to convince him to play with him. Jed carried out the chores meticulously, and was certain that he had done everything correctly. He brought his father out to inspect his work, who upon inspection found a single blade of grass that had blown back onto the freshly swept sidewalk. Jed’s father angrily struck him for the small and unavoidable imperfection, and told him to do it right the next time.

Withdrawal
Jed had wanted desperately to be accepted by his father and to have fun with him the way other kids did with their fathers, but after trying so many times and now doing his best, and yet being punished for it, he finally stopped trying to make himself a part of his father’s life. He withdrew into his room and avoided his father when he was home. He became involved in activities that he knew were not in line with his father’s expectations. Jed distanced himself from nearly everything that he believed was important to his father, because he didn’t want to be anything like him.

Wasted Love
Jed’s situation was unique and specific to his particular circumstances. It is possible that other children could have experienced the same conditions and endured them more successfully. There is no doubt that everyone is responsible for his or her own actions. Blame cannot be placed solely and squarely upon Jed’s father, for the struggles he faced with relationships or for the turning from values embraced by his family, but how different may things have been for Jed if his father had only shared fun times with his son? How much confidence and strength could such simple interactions have given Jed to face challenges in life? How much love could a father and son have shared together which instead was wasted? No, the blame cannot be placed squarely on any single person, but one can only wonder what a difference a few moments of time enjoyed by father and son could have made to both of their lives.

If You Love Your Children, Show Them
Does parent involvement really matter? Perhaps more to some than others, but if you were Jed how might it have affected you? If you love your children, show them. Be a part of their lives. Say yes when you can, as they ask you to play with them. Being a parent is more than a matter of physical proximity…it is a matter of love.

Related Articles

10 Qualities of Successful Parents:
Important qualities and considerations for successful parenting.