by Wes Fessler |
Patience
How to be patient
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November 30 , 2010 |
It is ironic as the world continually quickens its pace that we are told to develop the ever-cherished virtue of patience. What twisted line of reasoning can possibly justify the notion that we should slow down as the world races away, leaving us behind to wave off its churning cloud of dust? As we stand patiently watching the world shrink into the distance, it behooves us to revisit the value of this highly praised attribute, because at the rate we are running to keep up with the world, it can be easy to believe that we simply have no time for patience.
An Incredible Rush
If people of the world have one thing in common it is that we are all in an incredible rush. We rush out of bed at the sound of the alarm, like racehorses out of the gate. We rush to get ready, throwing down some rushed together food and hurry off in our cars where we hurry and wait in traffic. We hurry to work, where we rush through a cycle of required tasks that never come to an end, no matter how rapidly we complete them. We rush to rush hour, hurrying to wait again in traffic like jet planes with engines throttled up, but restricted to travel only by ground. We rush through a few hours of personal time by rushing our families to extra-curricular activities, fetching them a meal, hurrying them through homework, and rushing to get everyone to bed on time, so we can do it all over again on the following day.
Society of Now
Among all of this madness, it would be great to have patience, but who has the time? We are a society of now, and patience doesn’t fit nicely into the accelerated roles we play. We are driven by that which is fast and convenient with fast food, fast cars, fast communications by text, voice, and video, fast computers, fast internet connections, and of course fast work in our places of employment. As soon as possible has become the norm of our expectations, and we have grown rather impatient with anything less. Anything faster means more productivity, while anything slower creates the perception that we get nothing done. So where exactly does patience fit into this “runaway train” existence? What is the real value of patience, and why is it always so annoying to be reminded that “patience is a virtue?”
Impatience is Self-Destructive
Impatience is like a cancer. It starts with a single mutated cell, or aspect of our perception, and then spreads as far and wide in our minds as it can, until it has replaced contentment with stress, relaxation with unease, and joyful moments with others into volatile situations.
Impatience can begin with something as simple as waiting at a stoplight while running late to work. The longer we sit and wait for the light, the more likely we are to become impatient, agitated and angry. Once we submit to such impatience in traffic, we are likely to see every signal that we encounter in a similar fashion and to be further aggravated with the drive. This agitation and stress can lead to aggressive driving, speeding, and rage at other drivers who also seem to be keeping us from getting to work on time. The cancer takes hold, begins to spread, and becomes more immediately dangerous to others and ourselves. Our obsession with immediacy rapidly degrades our moods, our perceptions of life, and our abilities to find happiness.
Patience is the Ability to Slow Down
In this hurrying world it may seem contrary to our understanding, but there are benefits of patience that can make our lives better at any pace. It is true that in some cases patience does force us to slow down while we are in a hurry, but there are also times when slowing down is exactly what is necessary for our peace of mind, for our safety, and simply for our own good. Being patient is not as much about being slow in aspects that make us productive, but more about being slow in becoming frustrated, irritated, or angry. Patience is a necessary component of life that allows us to realize that it is OK and even advantageous to slow down in certain aspects of living. Patience is the ability to slow down our negative responses to life so that we can pursue the positive with unfettered speed.
Nature and Time
While we are constantly rushed about in life it is essential to remember that many of the best things in life are worth waiting for. Water transforms ordinary landscapes into deeply sculpted canyons, digging its way through soil and rock over hundreds and thousands of years. Such work is beautiful to behold in time and causes one to wonder in awe at the tremendous scope of the undertaking, and the grandness of all that is accomplished. The artistic hands of nature do not build canyons all at once, but gradually in time, as water takes its journey from storm clouds, over land, to the sea, and to clouds again repeatedly.
Patience and Ease
We would be wise to take a lesson from nature and to realize that it is possible to live our lives too fast and ferociously, when in many instances slowing can deliver even more beautiful results. There is much to be gained through finding patience in the aspects of our lives where it is most needed. It is not necessary to race through life at a pace that causes us to have daily road rage, impatience with others, and a hurried demeanor about everything we do. Some of the best things in life are truly worth waiting for with the patience and ease that makes life worthwhile. The following are some of the benefits that we can obtain through patience:
| Benefits of Patience |
Emotional relief from stress |
Reduced risk of physical complications of stress (such as high blood pressure, risk of heart attack or stroke, obesity, and depression) |
A realization that we don’t have to have everything immediately |
Better relationships with others |
Reduced possibility of making poor and hasty decisions |
Greater protection from danger resulting from impulsiveness or anger |
Happier and more easy going outlook about life |
Greater appreciation for what we have |
Why it is Important to be Patient
Learning how to be patient begins by questioning why patience is important in a fast-paced world. When we are told that “patience is a virtue,” it is commonly when we are acting in ways that others observe to show frustration, irritation, or anger. The phrase leaves out important details of why we should be patient and generally causes us to feel even more frustration. Being reminded that patience is a virtue in this manner does little to make us more patient. It is difficult to feel comfortable about slowing down or patiently waiting, without first understanding the advantages of doing so. To effectively learn patience, we must not merely contain our frustrations or turn off our feelings, but we should consider why we are restraining our impulses and what potential advantages we can bring to a situation by resisting our urges to vent our frustrations. By knowing what we are waiting for and how it will help us, we can reduce our stress by giving purpose to our patience. Rather than merely “calming down,” we are able to see the value of being calm.
How to Be Patient: Knowing Why
Our fast-paced world has made it more difficult than ever to be patient, but by understanding why we need to be more patient and how it can help us and others, we can find the patience that will make our lives happier and less stressful. To be patient we must come to accept that there are only 24 hours in a day, and accordingly stop scheduling our lives for 26. We contribute to our own impatience by filling every moment of the day with things to do, places to go, and deadlines to meet. Our physical and emotional well being is as important as our ambition, and if we’re not careful they will eventually slow us down if we don’t learn to do so ourselves. One of the first things we can do to make room in our lives for patience is to allow more cushion in regard to our time.
Letting Go of Little Things
While we are working up a sweat, we must learn not to sweat the small stuff. If it doesn’t affect our health, our safety, or put others in danger, we should give true consideration to the value of becoming frustrated or angry. We should learn to let go of small things with a realistic evaluation of what they mean to our lives.
Sure, being late to work is not a good thing, but can we really blame it on a traffic light? Could getting up a few minutes earlier or making better preparations the night before have spared us the worry of running late? At the point where we are sitting at the light and beginning to feel a hasty need to hurry up, we should consider also the purpose of the light, the need for the rules of the road, and the essential need for our safety and that of those around us. We might in fact be late to work, but that is a small risk compared to driving dangerously, getting in an accident, and causing ourselves and others to be seriously wounded or killed.
Substituting Laughter for Stress
Perhaps while we are clicking away at our computers in deep concentration as our children are nudging our shoulders, calling our names, and otherwise screaming for our attention; we can laugh about their antics, rather than blowing up at them. Is what we are doing really so important that it is worth ruining both our moods and those of our children? At times like these, can we slow down just a bit, laugh at the situation, and reduce our stress levels or perhaps even find some fun in the situation? Laughing releases endorphins in our brains that allow us to deal more ably with situations that try our patience. When we are feeling pressure and frustration as a result of our impatience, it can be greatly relieving to laugh at our condition—to smile in spite of our irritation, and to have a much better day than we would have by taking a negative approach to the situation.
Slowing Down
There are some things in life that we know are dangerous just by looking at them. When our children chase each other frantically through the house, down the stairs, and around tables and chairs, isn’t there a little warning light in the back of our minds that comes on and tells us that someone is going to get hurt at such a fast and dangerous pace? Don’t we warn them to slow down or stop what they’re doing, so they don’t end up having a trip to the hospital?
The same applies to us as we race through our lives without taking time to think about what may happen to us as we rush faster and faster, barely taking any regard for our steps or for obstacles that may trip us up. There are certain paths that allow us to run in life, but there are also those that are slick and treacherous that are better taken at a careful walking pace. It is up to us to realize that it is OK to have more than one speed in life, and that we can slow down when needed. We should learn to slow down on the paths to frustration and anger. We should learn the value of the traffic lights and the road rules of life that are in place for our benefit, and not merely for the purpose of delaying our progress.
The pace of the world is truly exhausting. It is a race that seems to move faster with every passing day, but it is also a world where patience and love are greatly needed. It is important to work hard and to strive for our best in all that we do, but it is equally important to recognize that there are times when slowing down is better for everyone. As we travel the road of life, may we keep our eyes on the traffic lights, the road signs, and the obstacles that we encounter along the way, and develop the patience to slow down when needed for ourselves and for others. May we take the time to realize that life is what we make of it, and that even when we slow down or stop, the rewards of patience outweigh any that are found in a continuous mad rush.

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Learning Something New Every Day: Learning something daily that is beneficial to our lives is a possibility, but it is not guaranteed without a conscious effort on our part.
Controlling Thoughts: Mastering our Minds and Thoughts: We evaluate ourselves based on things we do, finding joy and regret in actions, while scarcely noticing that the driving force behind them is our thoughts.
Fighting Technology for Family Time: Gadgets and gizmos available today are truly amazing, but have they really simplified our lives or allowed us to pay more attention to anything that really matters to us, like our families for instance?
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