One of the most important aspects of any relationship is the perception of trust that exists between two people. There are different expectations that hearts and minds require of one another in regard to trust, but in a simple sense, trust is an investment of belief in people and the relationship between them that makes them reliant upon one another in some way. Trust is the reasonable belief that two people care about what is best for one another. Trust is also found in the individual in concern for integrity in what is believed to be best for oneself. In life there are times when we may find it difficult to trust anyone – even ourselves, but the most important consideration in finding someone to trust is being someone to trust.

Important Words of Trust
There are several words that are closely associated with trust and that have an impact on how we feel about the relationships we form with others and with ourselves. Consider for a moment the following words and what they mean in relation to trust, as it pertains to yourself and to your relationships with others:

The Framework of Trust
While each of these words may vary in their order regarding trust, they are each important aspects in relationships of trust. Trust begins by seeing hope in someone, whether it is hope for friendship, romance, or family closeness. Along with hope, a belief in someone and a belief in the foundations of trust are established. From our belief in trust come certain expectations and commitments that define the relationship and give it substance. We invest ourselves with faith and devotion to the commitments and expectations that we come to know as integral elements of a trusting relationship. We seek reaffirming elements of confidence in the trust that we have built, because we have committed and invested ourselves to the trust. Our level of investment and confidence in trust causes us to become reliant upon the trust to some extent, and it holds value to us, as though it is a part of who we are. Our reliance on trust obligates us to certain behaviors and actions that over time give us freedom, either by helping us to grow stronger toward commonality, or by abandoning the trust due to perceived inequalities and abuses that work against common objectives.

Trust Must be Earned
It is commonly said that “respect must be earned,” but this saying may be more fitting for trust.Trust must be earned and proven, as time and experience demonstrate the value of faith that people place in others. Everyone deserves respect until proven otherwise, but not everyone deserves trust, which must always be earned. Even the ability to trust oneself must be earned, proven, and refined throughout one’s days. Trust should never be assumed or taken for granted, for the earning thereof is but the precursor to careful maintenance of its fragile status. The foundations of trust are arduously built, but easily broken through neglect or careless disregard.

Great Expectations
We tend to have high expectations of others in regard to trust, but it is unfair to expect anyone to be more trustworthy than we are willing to be. Trust is a powerful combination of shared endeavors and goals that appear to bring commonality of vision to two people. It can be frustrating when others fail to live up to the standards of trust that we believe they should uphold, but we should be careful not to judge their intentions too harshly on occasions when they are careless with our trust. It is easy to feel betrayed when others let us down, but we should consider with fairness the level of devotion and commitment that we contribute to the trust. At times we may feel that there is no one who is deserving of our trust, but we should always remember that if we hope to find others to trust we should first seek to be trustworthy ourselves. We should not expect others to make a greater effort in trust than we are willing to give.

Commonality
In relationships, it is important to feel that an equal degree of care is either being shared or is achievable in both directions. It is natural to evaluate the trustworthiness of others based on how they treat us, but we also tend to form opinions based on conjecture about their unspoken thoughts and feelings about us. While some of the observations we make about others and their feelings for us may be quite valid, it is impossible to know with clarity, the details of their deep thoughts and feelings for us. Trust is in many ways the method used by our hearts to bridge the gaps of uncertainties that remain in our minds about the degree of care that others have for us, and that which we have for them. Trust requires an investment of faith in others and in their intentions toward us that allows us to believe that they care for us as much as we do for them. This faith can be a source of vulnerability for us when we come to believe for any reason, real or imagined, that our trust has been betrayed or that another’s commitment to it is insincere.

Trusting Ourselves
Trust can bring us together in powerful ways that allow us to enjoy unity and strength, but it can also be a source of bitterness and resentment when it is betrayed. Trust is literally what we make of it together. A difficult part of trust is allowing ourselves to believe in the sincerity of others, and the hope that they will be as committed to a caring relationship as we are. We can only contribute our half of the trust…that much is true, but we can make sure that our half is as strong as it can be. If we hope to find strength in any trusting relationship, we should do our best to be committed to the important values and beliefs that we treasure. Although we all stumble at times, we should do our best to uphold what we believe in, because we can not realistically expect others to trust us anymore than we are able to trust ourselves. If we value trust, in others as well as ourselves we should always seek to improve ourselves and our abilities live in accordance with that which we believe.

Doing Our Part
The ability to develop trust in ourselves and in others can be a wonderful source of strength and enjoyment in relationships, but it can also be a source of regret and resentment. Many of the experiences we gain in relationships of trust depend greatly on what we put into them. It is deeply rewarding to have people in our lives with whom we can share caring and trusting relationships of all kinds, but we should always see to the task of making ourselves trustworthy so we can feel confident that we are truly able to give our all to relationships with others. It is true that our part is only half of what we share with others in trust, but it is when we can trust ourselves that we have the most to offer in any relationship.

Trust is More than Convenience
It is good to give our greatest efforts and most sincere devotion to foster strength of trust with those we care for, but it is also important to remember that some mistakes will be made along the way, and likely by both sides. It seems more and more that people are keeping others in their lives only as long as it is convenient to do so. Trust can be the difference between being someone who is cherished in another’s life, and being someone who passes in and out of another’s life to simply be forgotten. Trust does not come to everyone, but to those who are willing to invest themselves in the lives of one another and to risk something in doing so.

Understanding
There is value in both having someone to trust and being someone to trust. It takes strength and understanding to hold on to relationships of trust, especially through times where they are tested. There are times when others act in ways that hurt our feelings and seem to betray the trust that we so carefully build together. At times like these it can appear that our trusted relationships are no longer valued by others, and that in such harm the only sensible solution is to walk away and allow what remains of the trust to crumble. There are, in fact, times when abandoning a trust may be the most appropriate solution in such cases, but we should always consider the value of what we have, what we have invested into the trust together, and the possibility that the foundations of trust may somehow be repaired. It is important to determine whether the intentions of betrayal merit the destruction of the trust, or whether a mistake may be mended.
 
Holding On
While it is not always possible to mend a trust that has been broken, it is important to remember that we all make mistakes sometimes, and that we should not give up on one another at the first sign of trouble. It is painful to experience times when we are giving our best efforts to strengthen trust while someone we care for is taking actions to harm our trust. It is this kind of inequality that can strain our ties to one another, and tempt us to go our separate ways; but let us always consider the value of what we have built, the intentions of such deeds, and whether we are still able to honestly strive for what is best for one another. In family relationships we experience these kinds of challenges frequently, because families most often do love each other, but it is too easy to take family relationships for granted. It is important to treat the trust in our families with special care, and always show each other that we care about what is best for one another. It is too common to see marriages broken or siblings who don’t talk to one another, because they fail to assure each other that they care about their relationships, and that they do value family trust.

Let us hold on to the trust in our lives that is salvageable. There will be those who will come and go in our lives with whom trust cannot be mended. We will all encounter relationships that crumble, but may we never walk away from trust for mere matters of convenience or pride. Let us treasure the trusting relationships that we build in life, however many or few they may be. May we give our all to those we care for by being people who are deserving of trust. It is only in giving the best of ourselves that we can truly hope for the best in others. Let us build life’s treasures with those we love and care for, and share together in all of the wondrous blessings that come to those who trust in one another.  

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